What Happened To Me..?

Life Was Perfect.

My life has been fun, free and full of happiness. Days flew by, nights lasted forever and everything was perfect. I can remember how my coworkers called me the "best fit for the job" and my friends treated me like the glue holding our tight-knit group together. I felt like the life of the party, but I was still reserved. I felt like the number one at work, but I was still humble. I felt like everything was amazing, even though I could admit it wasn't perfect. My life was going in the right direction and I knew it. It was great.

Things Started Changing.

Unsurprisingly life had other plans for me. Suddenly things were actually getting better! I got even better at my job, I got more talkative and I was meeting new people left and right. I couldn't figure out how my life was getting. It was so weird. I've always been a bit pessimistic, so I had a heavy suspicion that this new phase in my life was almost too good to be true. How could life be treating me so well? But things were going well and only getting better day by day, so why should I think too much about it.

Sadly I was right to be suspicious. After a month or so of feeling above and beyond at everything I did, I started to get nervous about A LOT of things. I originally blamed this on life events like waking up to bed bugs in my house, a girlfriend leaving my life for work and being physically distant from most of my family. But shortly I figured out that this wasn't going to fade away with time.

My nervousness was getting worse. Everyday brought new worries and struggles that I never noticed before. Was I going to be late for work, was my girlfriend going to cheat on me while she was away or was some severely bad medical diagnosis going to come my way? Everything was always on my mind. But it wasn't all bad yet. I was still outperforming most of my coworkers at work and I still felt like I had a grip on my life. Plus my girlfriend who left a month earlier was going to get back soon, so how could life really be that bad, right?

Life Got Out Of Hand.

I started running on less and less sleep so I could get more done during the day. I was going to work early and staying late. This led me to stay awake late into the night to get daily chores done. Luckily 4 - 6 hours of sleep felt like enough, so why should I care how much sleep I really got? Things were still getting worse with my anxious mind, but life always throws you curve balls. I just had to learn to adapt and keep moving forward. I wish I knew that some things can't be adapted to quick enough in the end and I learned this the hard way.

On one especially productive weekend, I managed to keep myself up on a Sunday night to about 3am with work only 3 hours away. I decided it was time to sleep. I got ready for bed and quickly passed out. Soon after waking up I knew things were out of place. Life was foggy and distant. This wasn't the usual tired feeling I was used to. Something was wrong and I knew it. But I decided to take a step back, breath a little and go about my day. 

I got to work and did my daily tasks that were required of me. Nothing too eventful happened from what I can barely remember of that day, except for one specific moment that I don't think I'll ever forget.

I was speaking to a coworker and due to my state of mind I was unsurprisingly anxious. My coworker and I were going on about something that had to be done at work and just about when we were going to head our separate ways he stopped me to ask if I was alright. I was a little confused, but I quickly replied yes and tried to go back to my desk again. He stopped me, and again asked if everything was okay. I told him that I was running on little sleep and that life was dragging but that was all. I was hoping it was enough to get him off my back so I could get back to work, but it still wasn't enough. He knew something was really wrong with me. He insisted that I meet with him again and that I should talk to my doctors about the way I was acting. Something was wrong with me and he noticed it. Finally he let me go, and the day went on as usual. 

That was the last thing I remember about that blurry Monday. To this day I still can't remember much of anything in regards to what I did the rest of that day, other than presumably do exactly what I did the following Tuesday afternoon. 

The next day I felt exactly the same as before. Foggy and distant from reality. Life seemed almost unreachable for me at the time. I was basically running on autopilot. Due to reasons still unknown to me, I didn't sleep much at all Monday night either, so I was still just as tired as before. This day was more memorable for me though. At least the afternoon was. It was the first day I became truly delusional.

TO BE CONTINUED...